Is Jesus Enough?

After practically three years of not going to a Bible class, it is weird to be back in a classroom of my peers on a Sunday morning.  Although I definitely miss the youth ministry, I am really enjoying opening the Word each Sunday morning and discussing with my class.

This morning our class focused on Jesus as the messiah and the different images that people during Jesus’ time would have associated with that word.  Some thought the messiah was going to come and rule over them as a king.  Some thought the messiah was going to be a military leader.  Everyone had developed their own idea of whom Jesus was going to be.

When Jesus showed up, He didn’t fit the mold that most people had made for him to fit.  Jesus wasn’t what most people were expecting as a messiah.  In fact, Jesus was the complete opposite of what many of the religious leaders of the day were expecting.

We talked a little bit about how we sometimes mold Jesus into who we want Him to be.  We mold Him so that He is in support of everything we do or support.  We read Him into the image that we want Him to be.  We view Him in a way that keeps us comfortable where we are.  We pick out the scriptures about Jesus that keep us comfortable and we neglect the ones that might step on our toes or call us to change. 

So many of the old religious leaders missed the messiah because he wasn’t what they expected.  He wasn’t enough for them.  Today as we were leaving class, Josh left us with one final question to ponder, “Is Jesus enough?”  Is Jesus enough, or do we have other expectations that come along with Him? 

That question led me to think about the Garden of Eden and how the serpent deceived Eve.  Satan is really tricky.  He likes to make us think that God is holding out on us.  The serpent tricked Eve by convincing her that God was withholding good from her.  I think He tries to do the same to us today.  He tries to convince us that Jesus wasn’t enough and that God is withholding good from us. 

We sometimes think that we deserve Jesus + ___________________________.  Jesus + a good job.  Jesus + good health. Jesus + a big house.    Those things aren’t necessarily bad, but my hope is that I learn to say no matter the circumstance, Jesus you are enough.  Jesus asked His apostles to give up a lot to follow Him.  They gave up their homes, their families, their comfort, their normal routine and followed our Savior.  In the storm, Jesus you are enough.  On the mountain top, Jesus you are enough.  When this world passes away and we see our Savior face to face, Praise God, JESUS YOU ARE ENOUGH!

“I am THE way and the truth and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.”   

John 14:6

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world.”  

John 16:33

Three Months Later

It's been about three months since I moved from Little Rock back to Oklahoma City to start back to school.  I wasn't really sure what to expect when I left Little Rock, but three months in, I can easily say that God's blessings and peace are present in abundance.

Today is the first day of my Fall semester and in two weeks I'm going to take a stab at the MCAT.  The med school application process has started, and the reality that this is actually happening is starting to sink in!

I miss my Little Rock family a lot, but the peace that God has filled my heart with gives me assurance that He has and will continue to lead the way in this journey.  He has already blessed me in so many great ways.  I'm loving the new challenges, the extra family time, and the new friends.  He is so faithful!

This morning during my quiet time these two verses reminded me of the peace and joy that comes from walking in step with the Spirit.

The mind of the sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is LIFE and PEACE.
Romans 8:6

I consider that our present sufferings are NOT WORTH COMPARING with the glory that will be revealed in us.  Romans 8:18

Praying this school year that the Spirit will lead me boldly, gently, and with love to those who don't know our Jesus.

How About Some Throwbacks...3 years later!

These are some of my favorite pictures from my first Summer in Little Rock!  Wow how time flies!  I LOVE these girls so so much!

Our first picture ever together! Jr./Sr. 2010 

Uplift 2012

Uplift 2010

Kentucky Mission Trip

OKC 2010

OKC 2010

This is PERFECTION!!!

Uplift 2010

Paragould

Paragould

All of these girls are about to graduate...

Cinnamon Rolls and a Beautiful Legacy

Thursday mornings are early mornings.  Each Thursday morning a small group of my senior high girls meets up at the building for breakfast and a Bible study.  So each Thursday morning I attempt to bake something for breakfast.  Some mornings turn out great, and some mornings start with the smoke detector going off 4 times in my apartment before 5:30 a.m.  And some weeks I just give up and go and buy cereal.

All of my girls have different favorites, some love the banana bread, some love the cereal, some love the bagels, and some love the cinnamon rolls!  Ahhhhh the cinnamon rolls.  For any of you who have spent any significant amount of time around my family, you know our love for and have probably developed your own love for grandma's homemade cinnamon rolls.  These were always a special treat in my house growing up.  Cinnamon rolls were always present during the holidays or big dinners or events that were happening at our house.

My sweet grandmother was known by her family and friends for her amazing homemade cinnamon rolls.  The only thing is...there is no recipe.  Growing up it was always entertaining to watch mom mix the dough together, throw flour all over the kitchen, roll out the dough, smother it in butter, sugar, and cinnamon, and out came a pan of ooooey gooey goodness.

It wasn't until I moved to Little Rock that I got the privilege of learning how to make these slices of heaven in a pan, come to life.  During one of my trips back to OKC to visit the family I insisted that mom teach me how it was done.  So, my sweet mother took the time to roll up her sleeves, make a giant mess, and pass on the cinnamon roll legacy to her daughter.

Last night as I was spreading flour all over my counter and rolling out a double batch of dough for our breakfast this morning, it hit me.  O what a beautiful legacy my grandmother left for me.  Sure, the cinnamon rolls triggered the thought, but it goes so much further than that.  What a legacy of faith, love, and hospitality she left for me.

I am so thankful that my grandmother didn't just pass along her wonderful cinnamon roll recipe, but that she passed along so much more.  My grandmother passed on so many amazing qualities to my mother, and I pray that those qualities that they have shared will be present in my life as well.  Qualities like, gentleness, love, hospitality, grace, wisdom, and humility.

I was told that I never got to know my grandmother during her heyday, but that she lit up a room.  She was quite the spark plug from what I understand.  Grandma Sue was alive until the Summer before my senior year of high school.  I still have fond memories of going to grandma's house as a little kid and pulling out the blocks to play on the floor with my brother.  Grandma always had a candy dispenser full of those little strawberry hard candies...I always looked forward to having those when we stopped by.  I even remember going with my parents and my grandma to a play one time, and she showed up for a pan of cinnamon rolls for the people in the orchestra pit, and of course they all knew her by name!

When I think back on memories of my sweet grandma Sue, I am amazed at the life she lived and the way she loved people.  She left a legacy of love, kindness, faithfulness, holiness, and so much more.  I am so thankful that she passed these characteristics down to my amazing mother, and I pray that as I seek after God that He will produce this fruit in my life as well.  I am so blessed to be a part of a family with so much love!  God has blessed me far more than I could ever imagine!

Spanish Degree Turns into Youth Ministry...and now Med School???

It's funny how life happens sometimes.  I mean, God has a way of taking something and turning it into something completely different.  If you would have asked me 5 years ago where I thought I would be today, the answer would definitely not have been finishing up three wonderful years of youth ministry in Little Rock and heading back to school with the hopes of being a doctor.  Yet, here I am.

Here I am...a 24 year old single girl with a Spanish degree and three years of youth ministry experience.  The obvious next step is med school...right?

There are so many questions being thrown my way...Where do you want to go to medical school?  What kind of doctor do you want to be?  Are you worried about the MCAT?  You have to take Organic Chemistry, I hear that's horrible?!?  Where are you going to live?  Where are you going to go to church?  How long is this going to take you?  Are you nervous?  What if you don't get in?  What's plan B?

So many questions...and right now, so few answers.

But I have something bigger than all of those questions to cling to.

Five years ago I would have never dreamed that God was leading me down the path that brought me to where I am today, but in His amazing faithfulness He has walked beside me down an incredible journey.  As I sit here typing this post, I wonder what the next 5 years will hold.  I dream... I wonder...I plan...I wait...and I trust.

I trust...I trust that my God has something in store for me that is far greater than I can even imagine.

I pray...I pray that my God will open up doors for me to minister to hurting people.

I wait...I wait with expectation that my God is already preparing something greater than I could ever imagine.

So, I don't have all the answers to the questions.  And I don't know where this path is leading, but I know that my God has a way of working things out in ways bigger than we could ever dream.

The Moments I Cherish Most

So many emotions...

So many memories...

So many uncertainties...

So many relationships...

So many tears...

So many blessings...

So many moments to cherish...

Cherish...The moments I will cherish for eternity...the moments I will hold closely to my heart no matter where this new adventure might lead.  As I look back over my last three years in Little Rock there are so many moments that I cling to fondly.  There are so many moments that have been overwhelmingly FULL of the Spirit of God, and that have grown and stretched me in ways I could have never imagined when I first stepped foot into Pleasant Valley three years ago.

May 17, 2010 I loaded up my car and pulled out of my parents' house and made the 5 hour journey across I-40 to Little Rock.  As a 21 year old who just graduated from college with a degree in Spanish I felt extremely unqualified for the journey I was embarking on.  But I knew then, what I know even more now...this is not my ministry...this is God's ministry through me, and that He is qualified for the journey.  He will supply His servants with what they need to fulfill the purpose that He lays before them.  So three years later as this chapter of my life is starting to close, I still feel extremely inadequate to be a part of His ministry to the teens at Pleasant Valley, and I am so humbled that our perfect God who created the heavens and the earth would allow me to have purpose and give me a role in His story.

As I reflect on the last three years there are so many moments that I pray I will never forget.  Yes, there have been lots of big events that have been tons of fun and have taken a lot of planning, but those are not the moments that I will hold close to my heart.  The moments that I will hold onto will be those moments of deep spiritual connection with my brothers and sisters at Pleasant Valley.

I will cherish the moments where I have seen my teens confess Jesus Christ as the Lord of their life and be baptized.  I cry EVERY TIME...it never fails.  I pray that the Holy Spirit will continue to teach me and reveal to me the beauty of a life confessing Christ. O how I pray that those confessions will be the guiding light for every decision that my teens make from that point on.

I will cherish the moments of prayer with my girls.  Last week, I was taking one of my girls home after we grabbed some coffee after church, we pulled into her driveway and grabbed each others hand to close our night together with prayer.  As she prayed over me the tears flowed from my eyes, what a blessing to have teens who lift me up in prayer.  As I prayed over her and all my other kids the tears flowed...and there was no stopping them.  When we finished we just sat in the car and cried on each others shoulders, and all I could say was, "Wow, God has been so good to us."  Blessed beyond belief!  And moments like that I will cherish my whole life.

I will cherish the weekly breakfasts with my girls.  Every Wednesday morning for the last three years has been devoted to one on one breakfasts with my girls.  The conversations have ranged from my nonexistent love life to what is our purpose on this earth, from sports and drama to how do we live out our faith in our daily living, from breakups and mess ups to restoration and forgiveness.  Those conversations with my girls have taught me so many things.  And there have been mornings where tears have been shed in the middle of Morningside Bagels over the faithfulness of God.  There have been moments where laughter has filled the whole room.  There have been moments where pain has been expressed, and turned over to our God who is more than able to help.  And there have been moments of prayer and praise.  O what an incredible God we serve!

I will cherish the moments when my girls have been the ones to speak so much truth into my life.  I will cherish the moments when God has used them to be the answer to my prayers.  I will cherish the moments that they have taken God's Word and read it to me for encouragement.  I will cherish the moments when they say..."Can I pray for you right now?"  I will cling to these moments and be reminded of the faithfulness of our Creator!  He is so so good.  I promise...I have experienced His goodness firsthand these last three years in so many beautiful ways!

I will cherish the moments that my mentor has walked into my office and read Psalms to me to encourage me.  I will cherish the truth that she has spoken into my life.  I will cherish the countless prayers that she has offered up to God on my behalf.  I will cherish the texts and phone calls of encouragement from my sweet sister in Christ.

I will cherish the hundreds of dinners that I have been blessed to share with so many families.  I will cherish the moments around the table breaking bread and sharing our lives together.  I will cherish the moments where so many people have brought me in as family.  O how amazing it is to be a part of the family of God.  I have been blessed to experience that first hand over the last three years.

O there are so many moments to hold close to my heart.  There are so many moments to thank God for.  There are so many blessings that have flowed from the last three years, and I know that my God is not done yet.  I know that a new chapter of my life might be starting, but that these last three years have built characters into the story God has given me that will weave in and out of my life forever.  I can't wait to see how these last three years have prepared me for my next fifty.  I can't wait to see how my life continues to intersect with the amazing family that I have been blessed with at Pleasant Valley.  I know that God is not finished with this story.

And I know that my story is only a small paragraph in the story that our God has been telling since He spoke this world into existence.  O what a blessing to be a part of His story, and to serve along so many faithful men and women of God.  It truly is beautiful the way He has set this whole thing in motion.  O God has given me so many moments to cherish and so many people to love.  I am so thankful for His faithfulness to a 24 year old girl with so much to learn.      

Blessed...Blessed...Blessed

Mission Trip to Kentucky my very first Summer at Pleasant Valley!

Love!

Uplift with some of the girls!

The SUAVE in pajamas...this is PERFECTION!

Taco Cat!

Halloween Bowling

Hike at the Spring retreat!

Spring retreat

Nothing quite like an Adorable nightgown or a snowflake onesie!

Love my girls!

No Way... Well Maybe that was True

Today Casey and I got into a conversation on our way back from lunch that has really stirred my heart. It all stems off of a conversation that I had with a few of my senior girls over lunch just a few days ago.  I'm really not sure how the topic came up at lunch, but somehow we started discussing the number of people who leave church after high school.

I proceeded to tell the girls a story that I really hadn't thought much about until this last week.  I remember clearly when I was in high school I had a Bible school teacher one Sunday morning who looked at our class and said, "Statistically speaking 5 or more of you will leave the church after high school."  I remember looking around that classroom and looking at all of my friends and thinking, who will it be?  I remember looking at certain people and thinking...It won't be them or them or them.  I remember thinking, that might be true in other church classrooms, but I know these people and that won't happen to this group.

 Well it happened...

I think back to our senior night at Memorial Road in 2006.  I think back to the 35 or so students that I sat with.  I think back to my friends that I grew up with.  I think back to my fellow classmates who sat in Mrs. McBride's 4 year old class and memorized the 23rd Psalm.  I think back to the countless Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights together with my fellow classmates, and then I think about where a lot of us are today.  And I remember my Bible class teacher who said, " Statistically speaking 5 or more of you will leave the church after high school."

I used to think there is no way that is true, but reality has set it.  It scares me.  It saddens me.  It drives me to my knees in prayer.  It scares me because I see the 130 kids that I work with here at Pleasant Valley and I look around the room and think no, that won't happen here, but in reality it very well could.  It scares me because I care so much about these kids and I love them so much, and I don't want any of them to walk away from their faith in God.  It saddens me because I see so many friends that I grew up with who were so involved in our youth group who have walked away from Jesus.  It saddens me that they have turned away from the one thing that can truly fill their hearts and give them true life.  And it drives me to my knees in prayer because I know that I can't fix this dilemma.  I have no power on my own to change this tide.  I pray that somehow God can use me in some small way to impact the teens that He has put in my life.

A few weeks ago I had a little bit of an emotional breakdown with God.  The emotions are running high these days with the reality of me leaving and moving back to Oklahoma City in just a little over a month pressing in on me.  I had stopped just to spend some time on my knees in prayer.  Before I knew it there were emotions rushing over me.  So many questions to lay at the feet of my God.  So many tears.  And my plea was simply this...God may you produce fruit from the work of these last three years.  My biggest fear is that somehow I have failed to take these teens deeper than the surface.  My biggest fear is that in three years that I have led these kids to believe that faith = showing up to church on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights.  O I pray that God can take the work of these last three years and draw these kids deeper into Him.  I pray that these teens that I love so dearly will know that He is enough for them.  I pray that they will know that He is their answer.  I pray that they will know that His word is true and full of life.  I pray that they will know that loving God does not simply come by showing up to church on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights, but that it must penetrate EVERY aspect of their lives.  I pray that my teens will cling to Jesus tightly!  I pray that my kids here at PV will not be a part of the staggering number of youth that leave the church after high school.

When I don't have the answers I must fall to my knees and pray.  So please join me in praying for our teens and children.  May we ask God to use us to draw them deeper into Him.

Where it All Started

I am currently the only member of my immediate family in the United States.  My brother and sister-in-law have been in Costa Rica for a little over a year now working as Peace Corps volunteers, and last Friday my Mom, Dad, Sister, and Uncle got on a plane and headed down to Honduras for a week.  So that leaves me...the one member of the family with a Spanish degree, hanging out in an English speaking country while everyone else spends a week in Central America.

My parents have made the trip down to Honduras every Spring break except for one since I was in 7th grade.  I still remember my first trip to Honduras like it was just yesterday.  It's a miracle that I ever wanted to go back to that place.  I spent the first half of the week sick as a dog because I couldn't breathe which resulted in little to no sleep, somewhere towards the end of the week I fell down a tree and landed in a pile of glass and became the only medical emergency my parents treated all day in the medical clinic, and I finished off the week by catching a stomach bug and not being able to keep anything down for 24 hours.  And yet, for some reason I LOVED IT!  

I came back from Honduras that year and I couldn't wait to go back.  I couldn't wait to go back and see the kids that I fell in love with during that short week.  I couldn't wait to go back and see how the church that we had helped build had grown.  I couldn't wait to go back and see families living in the houses that we had built.  I couldn't wait to go back.

And so our family went back to Honduras, and we went back, and we went back, and we went back again, until somewhere along the line those Spring break visits started turning into short Summer trips.  Those short Summer trips started turning into ALL Summer trips followed by Christmas visits.  Those trips ended up turning into a girl going to college and majoring in Spanish and spending a whole semester in Honduras.

And that semester in Honduras played such a pivotal role in my desire to enter into youth ministry.  It's amazing how God used a Spring break trip when I was a 7th grader to shape 13 or 14 years later where I would be.  He has a way of working things out in such beautiful ways.

Had my parents not taken Braden, Brennan, and me on that trip 13 years ago I think my life would look totally different.  

People often ask me what my home life was like growing up.  I get asked often by parents what my parents did to help shape my faith in God.  I tell them that I have two of the most loving parents that anyone could ever have.  I have been blessed beyond belief.  I tell them that I was encouraged and pushed to always do my best and dream big.  But I also tell people that my family was not one of those families that would sit down and talk a lot about our faith.  We would pray before meals together.  We would go to church together every week, but we didn't have a whole lot of casual conversations about our faith or about God.  BUT, I can also tell people that my parents lived out a beautiful story of loving and serving other people, and they challenged us to do the same.  I watched my parents put their faith into action, whether that be in Honduras or right down the street in the Luther Christmas project.  

But the BIGGEST thing my parents ever did to shape my faith was start taking us kids to Honduras when I was 12.  My parents challenged us to live a better story.  My parents opened our eyes to a world outside of the little Edmond bubble that I grew up in.  My parents opened doors for us to share our faith and grow in our beliefs.  My parents showed us kids the importance of loving and serving others.  My parents helped us to see what it looks like to love sacrificially and serve those in need.  I got to stand right beside my parents as we served our brothers and sister in Tegucigalpa. 

So when I look back to the biggest defining moment in my faith, I would pinpoint it to Honduras.  Not because it was thousands of miles away and poverty like I had never seen before, but because it opened up a door for me to live out my faith walking side by side with my mother and father, brother and sister.  I was able to watch how they interacted with the poor, sick, hurting, and starving people around them and learn from them what it looks like to love and serve others.  I learned that there is a world out there who is hurting and in need of not just physical things but also the Good News of Jesus (whether that be down the street in OKC or down in Honduras).

So my encouragement to parents is to find a way to serve with your kids.  It doesn't have to be a huge trip to another country, it could be just 5 minutes down the road.  Nothing will impact their lives more than serving alongside their parents.  There eyes will be opened to a whole new world, and they will be challenged to step outside of their comfort zone and live a bigger story.  I have been so incredibly blessed to have parents who have always been willing to serve in big and small ways , and I am so thankful for the times that they brought my siblings and me along to learn and to help.  They truly helped shape my life through their actions!   

A Few of my Favorite Moments

Rule #1...Never go on a retreat without temporary tattoos!!! 

So glad my teens have learned the value of a good nightgown!!!

Love these girls so so so very much!

First MSGC with my girls!  We laughed for hours and Morgan Goodlow showed us her excellent speed walking skills!

Back to School bash!

These sevies have been such a beautiful blessing to my life!

Spring Break in Haiti with my teens...what a blessing!

WINTERFEST!!!

Nightgown punishment for breaking dress code...it's more like a privilege!

Sevie Six Flags trip! Craziness in the hotel room!

Love Love Love her!

One of my all time favorite pictures...Gracie and I got stuck together!

Halloween Bowling with my beautiful girls!!!

I have been so incredibly blessed to spend my last three years with some of the most amazing teens!  I'm so thankful for all of the incredible relationships that I have been able to build!  I know that whoever comes along next will be so incredibly blessed to be a part of the PV youth group and grow with these incredible teens.  I trust that God is going to provide someone incredible to love and mentor these girls!

I have a feeling there will be quite a few more posts with lots of pictures like this between now and May 10.  Ahhhh, there are so many wonderful memories to recap!  I have been so incredibly blessed!

It ALL Hinges on This ONE Truth

One thing...If I could pick just one thing that I want my teens at PV to remember and believe it would be just 4 simple words.

About a month ago we took a group of teens to a youth rally in Russellville, AR.  The theme of the weekend was, When Death Dies.  Throughout the course of the weekend we heard from various speakers who shared their stories.  Most of them shared stories about losing someone who was really close to them, and how the resurrection of Jesus Christ gave and continues to give them hope.  There were so many powerful moments throughout the weekend, but one short 6 minute video and 4 little words brought the whole weekend together for me.  I walked away from CHRISTeens with 4 words engraved in my mind that I pray I will never forget.

These 4 words are so simple, yet so powerful.  My whole life hinges on my belief in the truth of this simple statement.  Everything that I believe hangs on these 4 words.  And if these 4 words are true, which I believe they are, it changes everything!

 The tomb is EMPTY! 

It is such a simple phrase.  To someone who doesn't know the story of Jesus those 4 words probably don't mean much, but to someone who knows scripture and believes in Jesus these 4 words mean everything! I don't think I have been able to go a day since CHRISTeens without thinking about that little phrase.

I was never very good at picking out the climax of a story in my English classes growing up.  To be honest I wasn't very good at anything that had to do with my English classes in school, but if I had to pick a climax of the Bible it would have to be the empty tomb!  Everything preceding the resurrection points to Jesus and his resurrection, and everything after the resurrection points back to Jesus and his empty tomb and how that affects eternity.

I'm not a doctor yet, but last time I checked people who are dead for 3 days don't just come back to life.  It just doesn't happen!  BUT our Savior defeated death and walked out of that tomb.  He did what none of us would ever be able to do for ourselves.  And now, everything that I believe hinges on the fact that when people went back to Jesus' tomb, He wasn't there.  The tomb was empty, and it is still empty today.  This is so much more than just a story.

The empty tomb has to be the foundation of every piece of our lives if we claim to follow Christ.  If Jesus wouldn't have risen from the dead He would just be another dead man.  He would actually be another dead man who was a big fat liar. He kept telling His disciples that He would rise after 3 days, and if that wouldn't have happened He would have been a complete hoax.  Praise God that what He predicted was completely true!  His resurrection is true!  His tomb is empty!

Jesus came and died on the cross, was buried, and after 3 days He rose from the dead, and that changes everything!  The empty tomb changes how I react to situations.  The empty tomb changes how I live my life on this earth.  The empty tomb helps me to remember that this life is temporary.  My Jesus is alive and He is coming back for me!  The empty tomb is my hope in times of pain and trial.  The empty tomb is my joy in the face of suffering.  The empty tomb is my peace when the waters rise.  The empty tomb is what I know to be true.

I pray that this good news will be something that I can't keep to myself.  People have to know that my Savior defeated death and is alive.  His tomb is empty!  There is hope!  There is real life!  There is peace! There is something better to come!!!

You have to click on this link and watch this video by Josh Ross...The Tomb Is Empty .  This short video has spoken powerfully to my heart.  It has been such a powerful reminder in my life over the last month! Really...Watch It!!!

^{Don't forget...He is coming back for us!!!} 

For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him.  Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

1 Thessalonians 5:9-11

This Roller Coaster of Emotions

So over the last few weeks I have sat down numerous times to try to write down some of the different thoughts and emotions that have accompanied my last few months.  Each time I have tried to put my thoughts together, I just haven't been able to express myself the way that I have wanted.  So, here's to hoping that the words to come in this blog are an adequate representation of the past month.

Since last August I have been wrestling back and forth with the idea of going back to school.  I was so incredibly fickle.  I know Casey had to be getting frustrated, although he was so incredibly patient with me!  On any given day he could ask me what the chances were that I was going to leave and the answer could be 95% chance one day and 5% chance the next day.  I knew that I wanted to go back to school at some point, but I just couldn't stand the idea of saying good-bye to my teens and families that I love so dearly here in Little Rock.  There were days when I would sit in my office and just think about going back to school and start crying because I just didn't feel like it was a good time to leave.  And then I would sit there and think well, next year won't be a good time to leave, and the group after that...I love them so much too, and then the next year won't be a good time to leave either.  And then came the realization that I finally had to come to...When you love these kids and families as much as I do...THERE WILL NEVER BE AN EASY TIME TO LEAVE.  

Throughout the whole year I felt like God just kept telling me, do what you want to do, as long as you're seeking to honor me I will use you no matter what you choose.  That gave me so much peace.  I knew that God was not limited by my vocation, and that as long as I was willing that He could use me no matter where I went.  So at the end of December I finally  made my final decision that I would be going back to school with the hopes of going to medical school.

Once my decision was made there was a weight that just seemed to be lifted off my shoulders...well at least for a few days.  There was a peace that came with making my decision that could only come from God.

Then came January and the realization that I was going to have to tell the people that I love so much that I would be moving in just a few short months.  There were so many thoughts running through my mind as the February 10th parents meeting approached.  Above all, I wanted my kids to know that I love them so incredibly much and that this decision was not made without tons of prayer, fasting, and tears.

I was fully anticipating the week before my announcement to be absolutely miserable.  The Sunday before I was planning on telling my PV family I almost had to walk out of church because I was getting so emotional.  That Sunday night I cried myself to sleep somewhere between 12-1 am. I truly thought, this is going to be the longest week of my life...but then something happened.

That Sunday night as I was lying in bed crying myself to sleep I decided that I needed to spend some time in the Word.  So I pulled out my Bible and opened it up and started reading.  Normally when it's 12:30 in the morning I don't think to myself...this would be a great time to read Exodus...but for some reason that night that was where I turned.  So, as I was reading through the story of the Israelites making their way out of Egypt my heart found a truth that I would find myself clinging to ALL week long.

As I read through the journey that the Israelites took, I found myself drawn to the image of God going before the Israelites in a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night.  He went before them and prepared the way.  He led them down the right path.  And in that moment, I found peace knowing that my God was already going before me and preparing the way.  That was the promise and the truth that I held on to all week long.

When I would start to get anxious or start to feel overwhelmed I remembered my God's promise that He would never leave me or forsake me.  I trusted that He was already going before me and preparing the way.  And that week...well sure it was still emotional, but I walked into that parents meeting on February 10th with a peace that surpasses all understanding, and a joy that can only come from our amazing God.

So since February 10th things have been up and down.  It has been a little bit of an emotional roller coaster.  I have felt sadness when I think about leaving PV and the people I love so much. I have also felt so much excitement about this next stage in my life and all the new and different opportunities that it brings.  I have felt incredibly blessed by so many people at Pleasant Valley who have poured so much love and encouragement into my life over the past month.  I have felt slightly overwhelmed as I have taken practice MCAT exams and tried to plan out how I am going to cram what feels like 100 different classes into the next year of my life.  I have felt a little anxious when I think about how I'm not going to have a job again until I am at least 30.  But above all, I have felt the peace of God.

So, I have two months left at Pleasant Valley before I head to OKC to start a different journey.  I don't know exactly what God has in store for me over the next few years, but I am so excited to find out.  I know that He will continue to go before me and prepare the way, and that He is already at work in ways that I can't even see.

If I had to sum up the last 9 months in one word...it would be BLESSED!  God has showed me over and over again through the ups and downs of the last 9 months that He has blessed me in more ways that I could ever count.  I am so thankful to serve the one true God.  The God who is alive!  This journey with Him is sometimes crazy, scary, and hard, but it is a blessing to be a little part in His big story!

All of You is More than Enough for Me

You, God, are my God,

    earnestly I seek you;

I thirst for you,

    my whole being longs for you,

in a dry and parched land

    where there is no water.

I have seen you in the sanctuary

    and beheld your power and your glory.

 

Because your love is better than life,

    my lips will glorify you.

 

I will praise you as long as I live,

    and in your name I will lift up my hands.

 

I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;

    with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

On my bed I remember you;

    I think of you through the watches of the night.

 

Because you are my help,

    I sing in the shadow of your wings.

 

I cling to you;

    your right hand upholds me.

Psalm 63:1-9

O God...I cling to you!  You hold me up.  You and you alone satisfy my soul. You are enough for me! You are enough!  In my pain you speak softly to my heart, and I know that you are enough.  In the tears you hold me up, and I know that you are enough.  In my joy I raise my hands and worship you, and I declare that you are enough.  In the darkness I cling to you to light my way, and I know that you are enough.    When I can't sleep at night, I think about your promises, and cling to the truth that you are enough.  I cling to the promise that no matter what this world gives me or takes away from me that I can be satisfied because you my God are more than enough!  I cling to you O God, and I declare that your love is better than life!